‘Is this thing on? What do you mean of course it’s on, it’s a blog, you’re typing it? Geoffrey, fetch me the combobulator! We’ll see who’s laughing after that!
So you’ve probably heard I’ve been asked to provide you wannabe experts in the field of experimental-physical-molecular-faux science a simple guide to taking over / destroying the world. So I present to you; Dr Deadstar’s 12 Step Guide to Global Domination.’
Step 1 – Picking the Name
‘You can’t have a good plan without having a good name to go with it, you’ve all heard that the suit makes the man, well a name is like a suit for a plan. After all Dr Huben Von Stikenmos did not become famous overnight by creating the slightly annoying sound generator. No, he made the hypersonic death dispenser and invaded the moon! So names are important and here are some handy tips to help you out when trying to name your schemes.’
-Make it sound grander than it actually is. No one ran in terror from a mild injury ray.
-Make it easy to remember. Dr Finkle was forgotten after creating the ornithopic re-animating resulting in a large explosion machine. If no one can remember what brought about the downfall of humanity it might as well not have happened.
-Use alliteration where possible. The classics never die, we’ve all heard of the doomsday device.
-Finally, make sure the name lets people know vaguely what your plan entails, or what your invention does but keep them guessing too. Suspense adds to the fear and awe of your creation, but if they have no idea what is going on then you will generally be ignored.
‘So there you have it, step one to joining the ranks of the great men and women attempting to change the world. Until next time!’
‘…Geoffrey, how do I turn this off? Pass me that spanner!’